Fabulous prizes!

Lucky you! The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me! My choice. For you. This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

1- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!

2- What I create will be just for you.

3- It'll be done this year. (might be a little while)

4- You have no clue what it's going to be. It may be a story. It may be poetry or an article on properly cleaning your face before a masque. I may draw or paint something. I may bake you something and mail it to you. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure!

5- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.The catch? Oh, the catch is that you must repost this on your blog and offer the same to the first 5 people who do the same on your blog.

The first 5 people to do so and leave a comment telling me they did win a FAB-U-LOUS homemade gift by me! Oh, and be sure to post a picture of what you win when you get it! (I found this on my cousin-in-law blog.)

USA paragliding team

My older brother Brad is quite the daredevil. When we were kids he was always doing crazy stunts. Highlights include superman dives off the trampoline, jumping from the top of our cherry tree, or my favorite, pretending to crash into cars on his bike with me riding on handle bars. The latter actually ending in crashing into a car and me being flung over the hood onto the concrete. (don’t tell my mom) It makes sense that his passion in life is paragliding. Currently he is representing the USA in the world paragliding championships. After four days of “tasks” he is in 16th place. Team USA is in third place behind Slovenia and Czech Republic. Since I don’t think Slovenia is a real country, lets go ahead and say we are in second place. If you want to follow the progress, or see some gorgeous pictures you can find it here. Good luck Bradley, and go USA!

one liners

I have been revived from the stagnant and unmotivated blogless capsule in which I spent the last 6 weeks. It was not for lack of muse or adventures. You see I tragically inured my fingers back in November and as such my ability to type. I was just leaving church one Sunday afternoon, having completed my usual 2nd Mass for the day, when I noticed an old lady in a wheel chair with a sack of puppies and orphans on her lap charging ferociously out of control down a hill. As I sprinted to catch the innocent passengers I also noticed a shoplifter burst from a Mom+Pop store carrying their entire inventory. I keenly plucked the thief up over my head and tossed him in front of the careening Grandma. His soft body stopped the chariot of death and provided a comfortable landing. Later that day I broke all ten fingers stuffing Shaq in a game of one on one. I implore you to accept this unembellished account as just excuse for my absence. In an effort to catch up in the briefest manner possible I offer these one liners.
I traveled home to Utah for Thanksgiving where I broke two promises I had made myself. First I shopped at Wal-Mart, twice. Second I participated in the madness of Black Friday, where I was offered a management position at the aforementioned big box evil.
Returning to Boston I finally shaved my beard after 34 days of unhedged growth earning $35 for charity for the beard, and $10 each for my arms. The arm mane has yet to return to its fury splendor.
Through either generosity or smite I was gifted NBA tickets to the Celtics vs. Jazz game where George, Aaron and I were nearly lynched.
Fulfilling diplomatic duties I attend 4 (four) work holiday parties where thanks to open bars I both survive and salsa dance with my boss, which is documented and likely on U-tube.
Back to Utah for Christmas and decent snow I spend much missed time on the slopes catching up with an old friend and teaching my nephew to board. Annual chaos is greatly appreciated with all my family under one roof.
The last few moments of 2008 I spend in a black tie with a smorgasbord of new friends as my main mates choose to spend theirs in the cliché that is NY.
Last weekend I made a mad dash to Buffalo NY to say goodbye to Frank who will be working on a top secret mission in Arizona for the next year. Psst... it's the Moon...
Today I wore slippers at work all day; it is a sleep lab after all.

One hundred year old egg...

This weekend was the second annual “Jump the Gun Turkey Run”. In its simplest form it is an excuse to have an additional Thanksgiving dinner. More importantly it is a large group of friends celebrating the holiday together. Each person contributes a traditional or nontraditional dish and pot-luck style we feast and revel in each others company. The dinner went very well, the turkey was superb, the wine flowed, and the company was refreshing. There was however one moment that I would like excised from my memory. Kristen decided she would share some of her Asian culture by contributing a traditional culinary treat. I speak of the one-hundred-year-old-egg. If the name does not elicit an immediate gag reflex let me expand further. The egg is made by burying it in the ground for several months with salt and rice and whatever else they think makes eggs rot in a stylish fashion. The egg spoils in this closed environment, the yolk turns green and the white turns black and jelly like. Immediately upon arrival I was presented with half of one of these little demons and prompted to consume. I have eaten some gross things. I once fought off a pack of New York pigeons to finish a slice of pizza on Wall Street. When I was a kid I would chew worms with delight for the sole purpose of grossing out my sisters. With this track record I did not hesitate to accept the mastication challenge for the entertainment of others. Moments after the slimy morsel passed my lips I regretted my decision. The consistency of the egg-black was similar to gummy bears that have been left out for a few days. The yolk was creamy and sticky like peanut butter. As I chewed small pockets of gas escaped the egg and filled my nostrils with the sting of ammonia and sulfur. Imagine a bag of gym socks soaked in urine and rancid milk and you might have an inkling of what I had a mouthful of. In protest my body refused to swallow. Despite my feverish chewing the egg would not reach a safe consistency to swallow. Each moment the toxic waste stayed in my mouth the closer I came to loosing my mind. Finally I gulped the mass down only to be left with the pasty remnants coating every tooth and surface in my mouth. I chugged the closest glass of wine and ate three pickles to cleanse any lingering sensation of the absolute worst thing to enter my mouth. Luckily there was heaping plates of delicious Thanksgiving dinner to chase and bury the vile mess. The experience does not deter any future endeavors of eating strange and disgusting things. I am almost certain nothing can ever be worse than the death egg.

Last words..

sitting across from him on the train I first noticed his disheveled hair
I avoided gazing in his direction should he try and seize eye contact
peripherals baited my focus as I noticed the book he was holding was nearly four inches thick
four inches thick
at 200 pages per inch this literary treat must be worth at least 800 pages
I felt sheepish flipping through my advertisement sodden magazine
I noticed my greasy friend was a few pages from finishing this dictionary tantamount
I feigned interest in my inept text keeping an eye on the progress of my cross isle companion
what would happen as he read the last words
elephants would trot down the corridor while ballerinas danced on their backs
fire breathers following closely behind carried by albino gorillas
relishing the monumental accomplishment the reader would jump on his seat and yodel with satisfaction

he turned his last page
there must not be more than a few paragraphs now

I read a few lines of my own frivolous text trying to determine his pace
if he read slightly slower than me he would finish in no more than three minutes
sitting at a right angle mouth agape in anticipation of the final moments of a long and tiresome effort
then he reached into his coat
A TEXT MESSAGE
how can you stop in the final words to check a message
low be the day the marathoner stop ten yards from the finish line to check his stocks
thumbs twirl in response
the marathoner, stocks evaluated, ambles to the sidelines to sign autographs and kiss a baby
I nearly leap from my seat and slap the reader back to focus
nary missing my assault he pockets his phone
eyes continue lateral scans consuming letter by letter
letter by letter
letter by letter
how many letters are on this last page
at his pace I guessed this book was gifted to him on his birthday
three years ago
finally his eyes no longer moved horizontally
it was done
here come the elephants
he tossed the book on the seat by his side
and pulled out his cell phone

In a nutshell

In an attempt at keeping my stalkers and hangers-on interested here is an honest update.
My living situation is vastly improved since the move. I still reside in Brookline which is clean, aesthetically pleasing and a little pretentious, so quite fitting. My roommates are Aaron, George, and Frank (the person). Frank the person has been squatting at our place whilst he figures out his next big move. He will be moving on shortly. The apartment is kept in good order for the most part. I am happy when visitors state it is hard to believe three dudes live there. It is comfortable and nice to come home. I don’t feel the need to hide out in my office nearly as much as last year.
We have had a lot of guests the last few months. My parents came and stayed for a week. It was really fun showing them all my favorite parts of Boston. We also went on some adventures to Maine and New Hampshire. I enjoyed their visit greatly as I think they did as well. We have also had some new friends and old friends stay for a weekend here and there. As a result I gave the same super-amazing-fantastic walking tour of Boston three weekends in a row. I promise the same experience to anyone who shows up on my doorstep.
Every Sunday we have been hosting what we call “Sauce Night”. This is a large Italian style dinner for 15-20 friends. We take turns cooking, the only rule being the entrée must have some type of sauce involved. It’s always a nice end to the weekend. It also keeps everyone close and up to date.
I will admit that the last few months have been a little rough. I have been fighting a general melancholy which gets worse with stressful times. Part of it stems from the realization that my life in New England comes at the detriment to relationships back home. The distance both emotionally and physically is very taxing. There have also been some incidents at the lab which have drawn attention all the way up to the CEO. Luckily I was not hung in the ensuing witch hunt. I am under the magnifying glass however which is tremendously stressful. While I no longer seek solace in my office, I spend long hours there anyway. This has solidified my decision that I must get back in school and move forward with my life goals.
My search for a Masonic lodge in Boston continues. I have been to several social events and met some good people. It is taken much more seriously here than in SLC. As a result it is much more active. I have been invited to a few special events in the near future.
This weekend we will brew beer which is a hobby I have severely neglected. On Sunday I will be at the Patriots vs. Bills football game so watch for me in the stands. Finally, for all concerned parties, the beard is growing back nicely. Thank you for all the sympathetic and degrading comments.

NOVEMBEARD 2008!

as of 12:01am on the day of the first of November in the year of our lord two thousand and eight i henceforth declare all manly men under the eye of a God and finding themselves worthy shall with sharp implement or tool divest themselves of all facial hair which has been or may be residence upon their earthy faces the removal of which being verified by a likewise worthy and participating brother. Further it to be the practice of all manly men to abstain from the hedonistic practice of trimming ones facial hair growth with a sole exception be granted for the neckular region limited at its uppermost extremity by the hyoid bone and laterally defined by the mandible. Should a pledged adherent deviate from said practices of said manly manhood, said individual shall provide to all continued adherents, with admittedly superior male prowess, with a hereunto unspecified quantity of delicious and sudsy brew. It is with great pomp and circumstance and self importance with which i proclaim this proclamation of the commencement of the festivities of the revered and reckless revelry that is NOVEMBEARD!!

Follow link to see the hilarity that is me with NO facial hair!
Beardless Mike