DOG TOWN

This last weekend a large troupe of adventure seekers and myself escaped the city in hopes of finding some ruins, artifacts, or in the least ghosts. Our destination was a place called Dog Town which is a very old forgotten city. Back in the 1600’s a few hundred people moved inland in hopes of escaping the barrage of pirates and buccaneers on the coast. They set up a village and made fruitless attempts at agriculture. It soon became clear that the soil was much too heavily laden with rock to make farming a successful endeavor. Most people deserted the village. Those that stayed were mostly widows, their husbands meeting the treacherous fate of the fisherman life. The widows kept a large number of dogs for protection and this is how the town got its name. As is often the case with places on the fringe of society a large number of shady characters collected here as well. Namely witches. Some accounts name up to 100 different witches all living in the quickly dissolving remains of a village. The most notorious witch was named Tammy. She would often be found entertaining pirates with week long rum binges. And any that passed her house without paying homage would be forever cursed. When she died the surrounding towns were so relieved that they funded an elaborate funeral for her complete with a silver lined coffin in hope of blocking her evil hexes from the grave. All the structures have long since crumbled and been hauled away. The only evidence remaining is scattered foundations and cellars surrounded by thick forest and glacier boulders the size of houses.
After setting up camp we trudged into the woods eager for a spooky encounter or amazing archeological find. I was feeling a little overwhelmed with our large group of 13 people so almost immediately wandered off. Aaron, Theresa and Jesse came with me. No sooner had the voices of the rest of the group faded away then a small hunched woman appeared from behind a dark boulder. The thing to do when one encounters strange people in the wilderness is to avoid eye contact and move away slowly. This technique works well for door to door meat salesman too. Instead Aaron looks right at her and then turns to me and says “look at the beak on that hag!” as soon as he says this we all become paralyzed. The old woman approaches. As she nears the smell of sulfur and mothballs turns my stomach but I am unable to move away. She explains that we have crossed her land without paying the proper toll. Thanks to Aarons never stopping mouth, we are now held under her spell and will forever walk the woods never to see home or rest again! We have only one chance to save ourselves from this ominous future; we must find all the ingredients for her witches brew before the sunsets. Then like a vat of cookie dough at a weight watchers convention, she disappears. We all become reanimated and when we finish pummeling Aaron set to work searching. After hours of what seems to be walking in circles we manage to find the following items:

Throat of frog


















Eye of newt















Brain of mole















Wart of toad















Red mushroom


















Purple mushroom




















Poison berries



















Leg of grasshopper

We return to the place we saw the wench and set them all down on a flat rock. She reappears like a vat of cookie dough at a bulimic convention. She is pleased that we have managed to find all the rare ingredients. She releases us from the curse but warns us never to return. Aaron offers to sleep with her. Being unflattered by his offer she tells him that for the rest of his days his forehead will be as greasy as a basket of fries. We make our way out to the car to find the rest of the group is still stomping around on hollowed ground.
We decide to wait for them while drinking a celebratory bottle of wine.
After returning to camp we feast on hotdogs of all shapes, sizes and textures. There is an improve comedy hour with music accompaniment and then we burrow into sleeping bags hoping that we wake up in the same biological condition we go to bed as.