T party

The subway in Boston is called the “T”. It was nicknamed this for Mr. T who once saved an entire subway carload of Bostonians by swallowing a grenade. Those of you that spend your commuting hours comfortably in private climate controlled spheres are deprived the joy of communal transportation. The first thing greenhorns notice is the smell. It is not unusual to be forced intimately close to an un-showered sewage worker who is dinning on squid with garlic sauce. This leads to another point of interest. People eat, talk on the phone to their mistress, clip their toenails, pick their nose and various other personal activities without hesitance. Advanced T riders can feign interest in other activities while covertly observing these spectacles. An open book, Metro, or earphones playing no music are sufficient props to create a biosphere of personal space. “What is a Metro?” I am glad you asked. A Metro is the free daily newspaper handy at all T stops or often lying someplace on the train. It is roughly 10-15 pages of the most topical and useless news available. It is easy to spot the folks that get all their news from the Metro as they will know nothing about the turmoil in Rwanda but can give you every detail of Lindsay Lohan’s last visit to a McDonalds in Ohio. Rookies should also hold on while riding the T to avoid falling into a veteran rider with every start and stop, bump or curve. The veteran, on the other hand, can text message while holding 15 grocery bags and a 200oz iced coffee from Dunkin Doughnuts.
While a book or Ipod is a good prop, it is not necessary as entertainment is infinite on the T. Here are some fun games to play.
The Runner- This guy starts chasing the T four blocks before the stop in hopes of catching it. If he passes any other riders approaching the station, they too will start running for the train. The urge to rush and catch the T is contagious. I have seen 80 year old ladies with purses the size of saddle bags match pace with some punk on a skate board in chase of a train. The best part of this game comes when Pete Punk and Grandma get to the train just as the driver closes the door. The train stays stationary for 4 more minutes until the stop light changes but the driver refuses to open the door, or acknowledge the presence of desperate commuters. The expression of disbelief and disappointment on the ostracized riders’ faces is priceless. This game is of course much less fun when you are the runner and grandma beats you to the train.
Eye Miscontact- This game can be played one of two ways. The easiest is to look at people until they notice you and then look away quickly. Once they look away, look back, continue until they squirm with discomfort or threaten to poke your eyes out with a corkscrew. The second way to play is pick someone at random and look them right in the eye. When they notice you and lock eye contact, don’t look away. They will glance away and look back. Continue looking them straight in the eye until they get off the train or start crying. For added fun do this with a scowl or silly grin.
T Guess who- This game requires a partner to play. It is just like the guess who board game but instead of picking a random card, you pick someone on the train to describe to your partner.
“Does your person have a porn star mustache?”
“Yes”
For added challenge instead of naming specific visible characteristics try making personality judgments.
“Does your guy like secretly playing with teddy bears and china teas sets?”
“No, but he once used a teddy bear to dry his dishes because he was out of towels”


For those of you sitting lethargically in your fancy cars, press another preset stereo dial.