Thursday, July 10, 2008

Back from Greece!

I will start at the end. I am home, refreshed, and full of memories of fantastic spontaneous adventures! It took 36 grueling hours of traveling to return home. The finer points of the journey are arriving at the airport 12 hours early, trying to sneak into a closed restaurant to sleep and getting kicked out THREE times. Its amazing what you can get away with when you don't speak the language of the low level authority figure trying to harass you. Trying to sleep in an airport is as easy as a blind man trying to pick out wallpaper. Airports are designed to be as mind numbingly uncomfortable as possible. They should have cots available for rent at the airport. And movie theaters. I am certain whoever designed airports, never actually spends anytime in them. I have always prided myself on my ability to capitalize on circumstances. Realizing I had 10 hours to wait before I could check in for my flight to JFK I re-coned the entire terminal to find the most conducive environment for sleep. It just so happens that spot was a nice cozy leather sofa... in the closed restaurant. But I say if they didn't want people in there, they should lock the door. Well to be fair, the door was locked. It did not reach completely down to the floor so thanks to my slim figure and swift moves I was able to infiltrate and settle on the sofa. I was thrilled to be spread out on the couch reading full of empathy for all the suckers sleeping on the marble flooring. After dozing for a few hours, I was awaken by a poke and some gibberish that sounded like yiddish rap music, but may have been greek. I of course had no idea what he was saying but it was clear I should move on, which I did. I returned to my sofa 10 min later when the mustachioed fella moved on to harass other innocent travelers. This interaction repeated three times. Always the same mustache, always the same rap music, always the same bewildered and harmless look from me.
Finally I boarded my flight to JFK. It takes 10 hours to fly from Greece to NY. During this time they screened two movies which I saw none of. Served two meals, I missed both. And handed out those very important declaration cards you need to get through USA customs. Guess what, I didn't get one. This makes my conversation with the customs guy later go like this-
"declaration card and passport please"
I hand him my passport and my boarding pass
"sir, I need your declaration card"
"oh, right..... where do I get one"
"sir, they gave it to you on the plane"
"Umm, no, they didn't, can I have one now?"
"SIR, you need to get out of line and sort yourself out"
"Hmm, I assure you I am sorted"
"Sir, if you are prepared to enter the United States please present your declaration card"
"Let me see your declaration card first" I exclaimed pointing at him
At this point he picks up the phone, and I scurry off to find the elusive card.
I make it through eventually, but I would like to take a moment to give a shout out to all the Delta staff on flight 133. Thank you for making me beg for meals I missed, make my own coffee on the plane (actually kinda fun), and most of all for neglecting to give me a piece of paper to be admitted to my country. Top notch crew on that flight. When I was in the kitchen area waiting for my coffee to brew I asked one guy if he enjoyed flying all over the world all the time. His exact response was " Oh man I can't wait to retire, I hate this job!" And it shows.
I have a 3 hour layover in NY of course. At this point I feel like I have taken 12 antihistamines and drank a bottle of wine. I wander with no purpose like a drugged penguin at a fish market. After a amusing conversation with a dreadlocked guy about the conspiracies of airlines and their link to social brainwashing, I board my plane to Boston. I am seated in a three seat isle next to a father with an infant and a three year old richard simmons with a heavy british accent. At least the flight is short I think. 3 hours later, when we are enthusiastically informed that we are now only number 5 for take off I am grateful that my first impression of the young family was wrong. They are polite, quiet and highly optimistic. Once I land at Logan intl. airport it is only a matter of a bus, two trains, and a short walk and I am home!
And that is the story of my adventures in Greece! I hope you enjoyed it. What an amazing place.

4 comments:

Sir Georgio Loudbeard said...

Boooooooooooooo! Nobody wants to read about airport shenanigans! (well, to be fair mike, they were very amusing) We all know travel sucks, you're supposed to tell us about Greece you big silly goof! I wanna know more about what you saw there, what you did, not the details about airports being refuse bins for social rejects.

Biesinger said...

Although I enjoyed greatly your stories of the flight home from Greece, when you ended with "And that is the story of my adventures in Greece! I hope you enjoyed it. What an amazing place." I became confused. You didn't actualy mention any adventures that took place in Greece save the little misunderstanding about the sofa sleeping thing. I hope Greece was more exciting than not understanding the security gaurd! Perhaps greater clarity and more details will be shared about your trip in shortly forthcoming posts.

Kev said...

Wow, Greece sounds like the SLC airport here. Sweet Mike, you saved me a trip. Now all I have to do to get a taste of Greece is eat a Yuro at the airport on a leather couch.

Jess said...

"I assure you I am SORTED!"